Empowering Conflict Resolution Process
PLEASE NOTE: This Empowering Process has been designed specifically for an organization where a CONFLICT has occurred that still remains unresolved. It can easily be adapted to suit individuals, relationships, business associate disagreements or family situations. It DOES NOT use the traditional approaches of re-hashing the actual issue. Instead it works on understanding the thoughts, beliefs and behavior that created the problem in the first place. Just reading through the document and answering the EMPOWERING QUESTIONS produces quality responses that has the potential to shift the perspective of one or more of the people involved in the dispute to a point of better understanding and feeling good about their choices, decisions and actions … PAVING THE WAY FOR RESOLUTION TO OCCUR NATURALLY!
The FULL PROFESSIONAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROCESS (designed specially for your particular situation is available by requesting an online consultation) and works further on understanding the basics of “Why We Do What We Do” and empowers YOU recognize the belief structures and meanings you (and other people) may have given to circumstances that occur in life, providing the tools to CHANGE ANYTHING you choose to change and respond in healthier and more life-enhancing ways. As with anything in life, the benefit is gained through the experience of the process, so feel free to download the current Empowering Conflict Resolution Process and try it for yourself.
Download The Conflict Resolution Process PDF
“We can learn more in 5 minutes about someone when dealing with problems, than we can in 5 months when things are great.” – Dan Kuschell
“We can view problems as something to hate or we can choose to view problems as CHALLENGES and OPPORTUNITIES to FIND A SOLUTION.”
What is the facilitators’ vision for the future? This resolution of this matter raises the level of consciousness right throughout the organization. ALL members of the organization find a resourcefulness they didn’t know existed and these NEW and beneficial ways of problem solving, filter throughout their families, relationships, business associations’ and into the wider community.
What is the facilitators’ mission? To encourage the individuals to find resolution – not compromise. Resolution is a win/win solution. No matter how you look at it, compromise is generally a lose/lose situation. Raise your expectations of what YOU are capable of. Know that resolution is possible. It only takes ONE person to stop fighting and see things in a different light or from a different viewpoint.
The 6 questions on the bottom of the page are designed specifically for that purpose.
What values does the facilitator intend to live by? Heartfelt understanding, honesty, openness, integrity, faith, compassion, determination, courage, willingness to grow and learn, desire to contribute to a better organization/community structure etc
Do you have any other important values to add to the list?
What are the facilitators’ goals? For the individuals to move to a position of understanding and feeling good about their choices, decisions and actions. Feeling bad, feeling overwhelmed or feeling guilty are immobilizing emotions and are never the goal. Feeling ashamed or vulnerable are useful emotions and often signifies the point of a shift in perception or belief. Feeling relief often follows. The purpose is to grow from this experience. If we don’t grow, we die. The same applies to any organization or business.
What are YOUR goals? How are you feeling about the situation right now? How much has this problem impacted your relationships at home and with other people and the generally feeling of satisfaction you have about your life? You might like to score this on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest impact). How would you like to feel at the end of the resolution process? How would you like the other person to feel?
Rules of the Game
>> Be willing to support our vision, mission, values and goals.
>> Speak supportively. Always assume the other person has good intentions. Hold the person “innocent” until proven “guilty”.
>> Listen Actively (Look at the person and be patient as they are speaking. Repeat the important parts of the conversation back to them so they know you have heard them and can also hear what they themselves have said, in case clarification is needed).
>> Acknowledge whatever is being communicated as true for the speaker at that moment.
>> Complete your agreements:
a) Make only agreements that you are willing and intend to keep.
b) Communicate any potential broken agreement at the first appropriate time.
c) Clear up any broken agreement at the first appropriate opportunity.
>> Do not speak about a problem unless you first communicate a possible solution. If a problem arises, first look to the system for corrections and then communicate your solution to the person who can do something about it. Do not indulge in or listen to gossip.
>> Be effective and efficient (Optimize every event … do more with less).
>> Have the willingness to win and to allow others to win too (win/win). Work towards resolution, not compromise.
>> Focus on what works. Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.
>> When in doubt, check your intuition.
>> Take Responsibility – do not lay blame, make excuses or justify.
>> A dispute with another person should always be taken directly to that person AFTER doing the process below. If an upset lasts longer than 50 minutes, the upset party(s) to seek support, from a neutral third party.
Here are some practical strategies for processing your own thoughts, focus and language in beneficial ways AFTER you’ve had a dispute with another person.
“Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions.” – Tony Robbins
1 … How did you handle the situation WELL? Sometimes we assume we haven’t handled a particular situation well. Sometimes our assumptions are NOT the truth. How did you handle this situation REALLY WELL in ways that you are overlooking or under-estimating? You might like to physically STAND UP and turn around so you can get a different perspective. This is a technique we can use to activate our PHYSICAL BODIES at the same time we are CHANGING OUR MIND. Use it whenever you need to make a change.
2 … How could you have handled the situation better? Of course, if there is a threat of violence, removing yourself from the situation and getting professional help is the BEST THING YOU CAN DO. But, is there something you would do next time if you were confronted with the same type of situation? How could you handle the situation better?
3 … Think of three or more qualities or traits you admire and appreciate in the other person. Many times we FOCUS on only the persons “bad points” and ignore the “good” when a more empowering way is to focus on the things we like about the person and “let the rest go”. My guess is that you probably do that when you think about yourself as well. Do YOU focus more on the parts of yourself you don’t like rather than acknowledge and cultivate the stuff you do like? If you can do that for someone else, you can do that for yourself too. What are some of the other nice qualities the person possesses that you could add to your story to give it more balance? What are some of the nice qualities that you possess too?
4 … Think of three qualities or traits you DON’T LIKE in the other person. Then make a decision that you will NOT be like them. Just because someone treats you badly doesn’t mean you have to treat them, yourself or other people badly too. Lead by example and behave in ways that you admire. Treat other people as you would like them to treat you.
5 … What makes you FEEL HAPPY OR SATISFIED about this situation? Sometimes we focus on what makes us unhappy OR upset and only see one half of the equation. It is a way we lie to ourselves in order to BE RIGHT or be REACTIVE instead of being PROACTIVE. Do your best to answer the question with feelings from your heart NOT from your reactive mind?
6 … List the qualities, learnings and benefits you could gain from REALLY solving this problem effectively if it were to happen again. This serves to move you away from meeting your need for variety, drama and excitement in less than healthy ways. You might like to READ OVERCOMING DRAMA IN OUR LIVES to get a better understanding of how easy it is to get involved in drama situations and how to get out of them. Perhaps you could even walk forward a few paces (into the future) before you answer the question, then feel how it feels to have truly re-solved this problem for yourself – knowing what to do next comes easily from this place of REMEMBERING who we truly are at the core of our being. YOU truly are magnificent!
To have an Empowering Process specially designed for your particular situation, request an online consultation and we will assist you in getting the results you truly want.
MESSAGE FROM THE FOUNDER: This Conflict Resolution Process has been developed by Elizabeth Richardson using various methods including simple goal setting practices, rules adapted from large organizations such as the “Money and You” Network and portions of the Strategic Intervention model (physiology, focus and language). It is by no means complete and is not meant to take the place of a facilitated Professional Conflict Resolution process. However, I feel this written and simple form may become profoundly useful as a guide for others. You may also request an online consultation to have a PROFESSIONAL Conflict Resolution Process designed specifically for your situation. As with anything in life, the most LONG TERM BENEFIT is gained through the experience of the process in its complete form. Your feedback is always valued and appreciated and may be left in the comment box below.
Thanks you for allowing me to serve you. I hope to do it again soon.
