A WOMAN will generally not ask directly for what she wants from a man though she will give him many hints. She wants him to be so interested in her that he will figure it out. If she seems like she’s criticizing and teasing, there is something she is needing — reassurance and love. Take criticism as her way of challenging you to step up and be MORE masculine and love her no matter what. Don’t be offended by this. It is a natural part of feminine energy which stimulates the competitive nature of a man. Surprise her with something you know she enjoys. When she seems unbearably sad, fearful or stressed, don’t criticise or try to change her for this. Understand it is one side of feminine energy and if she feels your love and understanding it can often be converted into playfulness and passion and will generally pass much quicker as you give her your COMPLETE attention. Respond to her with humour, lightness, create surprise and always reassure her. A man who can cheer a woman up is extremely sexy. She will begin to trust you will be there for her through hard times as well as easy. When she trusts you she will open herself to you and radiate femininity even brighter than before. Stop focusing on yourself and finding reasons to hold back. Give her what she needs.

Feminine Energy naturally values LOVE & CONNECTION – Find out how you can show her you love her the most, then DO IT in surprising ways. Generally giving her your full presence (without being distracted, answering the phone or falling asleep … lol) works wonders.

A MAN often seems like he doesn’t care about a woman, but most times he is confused about the way she is communicating and about whether he can make her happy. Gently encourage him to show you love in the ways that mean the most to you. Find things he does well then thank and appreciate him for them. BE open to him. Think of, talk about and do things with him that make you happy. Ask him to do things for you by expressing how grateful you are for his help, love, caring and advice. Your happiness is most important to him and if you are happy while he is around, he will feel more empowered to create other opportunities for you to enjoy. Allow him to take care of you, to protect you, to make plans and to provide for you. Remember and acknowledge how he has done things really well in the past. Instead of criticising, try to influence him with pleasure, playfulness and seductive teasing.

Masculine Energy naturally values SIGNIFICANCE. Tell him that he is your hero. Make him the most important part of your life (yes, even more important that the children) and find out how you can best contribute to his life in significant ways.

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– Use These Precious Gifts Wisely

Go forth and use these gifts and other great gifts you’ve been given, for the highest good of all.

… and if you have some other useful insights to add to the list, please do so in the comment box below.

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FREE POSTER DOWNLOAD

“Let Your Heart and Mind Be Open and Your Soul Be Present For Your Mind May Not Know What Your Heart and Soul are Missing.” -Tracey von Ott

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This free down-loadable poster was designed to gently remind women of their true essence …

…  sometimes we may allow criticism to flavour our confidence, sometimes we may speak negatively about ourselves, sometimes we simply forget who we really are.

“Criticism from others is always a direct reflection of their own insecurities … and the more I compliment the magnificence of someone else, I demonstrate how secure I feel about ME.” ~ ER

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I have learned -

Please feel free to add what you’ve also learned to the list and let us get to know you better.

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Starting all over again after the ending of a relationship, losing your home, a business, a lover, a relative, a friend or a mate is challenging at the best of times. Often we don’t know what to say when it happens to ourselves OR to others, the best way to express how we feel, finding words of encouragement to make us/them feel comforted.

Perhaps this free Poster might just help you or someone else to feel better. We offer it freely with our blessings.

To download the full sized “Starting Over Poster”, RIGHT CLICK HERE.

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Why do you FAIL TO ACHIEVE some of the things YOU WANT THE MOST?

Tony Robbins says there are two invisible forces that shape who we are.

1. Moment By Moment – The state we’re in (physically and emotionally)
2. Long Term – Our model of the world (beliefs which create our feelings and lead to certain behaviors)

If you want to influence someone else,
you’ve got to understand what ALREADY influences them.

If you want to influence your subconscious mind
you have to FIRST understand what’s driving it.

WHAT’S DRIVING YOU?

What is REALLY motivating you? What are you after? Let’s uncover the truth about what’s really going on here.

According to Human Needs Psychology, we ALL have 6 basic needs.

1. THE NEED FOR CERTAINTY – to avoid pain and at least be comfortable.
How do you get it? Perhaps you try to control everything, you give up every time, smoke a cigarette, develop a skill, have rituals, get married, meditate, get regular exercise, drink alcohol every day, buy your own house etc

2. THE NEED FOR UNCERTAINTY OR VARIETY – to relieve boredom.
How do you get it? Create problems you have to solve, do something different, say something different, think something different, indulge in extreme sports, shop-lift, change partners/jobs/cars/houses regularly etc

3. THE NEED FOR SIGNIFICANCE – to feel important, special, unique.
How do you get it? Making the most money, being more spiritual, having unusual tattoos, earrings in weird places, hairstyles, fighting for a cause, being a member of the best club or religion, do you get it through violence or by having a significant problem or disease etc

4. THE NEED FOR CONNECTION AND LOVE – most people settle for connection because love is too scary.
How do you get it? Through intimacy, friendship, prayer, walking in nature, being part of a group, having babies, having a problem others can commiserate with you about, like lack of money, weight problems etc

5. THE NEED FOR GROWTH – if you don’t grow you die!
How do you get it? By reading, studying, listening to inspirational speakers, taking a course, learning something new, making a risky decision etc

6. THE NEED FOR CONTRIBUTION BEYOND OURSELVES – the secret to living is giving.
How do you get it? Volunteering, helping people, teaching, creating wildlife corridors, saving the whales, donating money or time etc

WHAT MAP DO YOU USE?

What EXACTLY are your beliefs and rules? How powerful are they in determining HOW you get those needs met? Some people believe they can meet their needs by using violence, by creating something, by building something or by loving someone.

What are the TWO needs you value over all the others?

How are you meeting those needs? Are you meeting them in positive or negative ways? For example, some people value significance over the the other needs, but the SAME need can be met in different ways. Some people get significance by blowing up the World Trade Center, other people get significance by going into the building and trying and save others.

What if your beliefs guarantee you COULDN’T get to where you say you want to go?

WHAT FUEL ARE YOU CHOOSING?

The Human Needs Psychology model can really help you understand why you do what you do and find out what motivates others to do what they do too.

TRY THIS – When confronted with a behavior or habit that you really want to change, ask yourself, what NEED am I trying to meet by doing this? The answer might reveal why you’ve never been able to change it. Then put in some better quality fuel, your results will also be better quality.

For example, if you have a habit of drinking alcohol too often, what you’re REALLY wanting to create is CERTAINTY. You’re certain it will make you feel a certain way. If you drink alcohol with someone else too often, you are also meeting your need for CONNECTION and LOVE. If you drink alcohol out at different places, you are meeting your need for VARIETY. If you drink ONLY the best wine or you have created a BIG PROBLEM for yourself because of your drinking habit, you are meeting your need for SIGNIFICANCE as well. When we meet 3 or more of our needs – we are ADDICTED!

What healthy ways could you meet each of those needs instead?

TRY THIS TOO – When confronted with someone else’s behavior or habit that you really want to change, ask yourself, what NEED are THEY trying to meet by doing this? You can use that answer to meet their need in a positive way instead. Give them some better quality fuel and your relationship with them will also be better quality.

For example, when a child is yelling and screaming for your attention, what they’re REALLY wanting is love and connection. Instead of screaming back at them, you can say, “I love you no matter how you’re behaving and when you calm down I’ll give you a big hug.”

Watch this video to see how Tony describes this process …… and if you have any questions about this process, leave them in the comment box below. We’d love to help you understand yourself better.

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Our body is “generally” in a state of perfect health unless we keep reinforcing beliefs to the contrary … when we’re afraid of the rumours of another epidemic, when we wonder if we “should” take preventative measures, when we’re worried we might get cancer, when we believe in heredity and genetic predisposition and we think then maybe we “should” change our natural instincts of what FEELS good to eat, drink, think, talk about …

A little DOUBT is all it takes to get us spinning down into negativity and to question our natural well being.

A little FAITH is all it takes to know we can choose to think better thoughts, to believe something more life enhancing, to defy medical and scientific”proof” and live whatever level of life/health we choose, no matter what the media is portraying, no matter what our parents taught us to believe, no matter what our doctor reported to us and no matter what health challenges other people might be going through.

We only need to ask the question … who REALLY benefits from the media reports of another epidemic, stories about cancer, the victimization that was created along with AID’s or even the latest “health” food miracle? Who gets to make more money, gain more power or get people to conform?

No matter what condition our physical body is in, we can either be fearful about it or we can be hopeful about it … EACH ONE OF US has the power to re-focus our negative thinking, to dramatically change the course of our life and to rewrite our own destiny.

I have already rewritten mine … what about you?

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Using Strategic Intervention (physiology, focus and language)

I grew up in a family where ANGER and VIOLENCE were often the most dominant ways of showing we cared about each other – yes, they WERE the ways we showed that we cared about each other. Does that sound strange to you? Most people assume that anger and violence are a way to dominate, hurt and control people … and from one perspective, this is true.

I’m here to suggest that there is a more life-enhancing (and also true) way of viewing the same situation … that every bad habit, negative pattern and unwanted behaviour has a positive intent. You might like to keep an open mind about this matter and understand that skepticism is healthy if you’ve never been exposed to this concept before.

UNDERSTANDING THE POSITIVE INTENT BEHIND EVERY PROBLEM BEHAVIOR

I believe that EVERY problem behaviour has a positive intent: to protect, to prevent, or to provide. If you can understand the positive intent behind the problem behaviour, you will know how to change your thoughts around it, change the way you speak about and change the way it effects your life in the fastest and most effective way.

To get a direct experience of how positive intent is at the foundation of every bad habit, problem behavior or negative thought (even those that have been a problem for many years), simply download our FREE Get Rid Of Bad Habits – for good! E-Book and find your own positive intent for one of YOUR OWN bad habits, negative thoughts or unwanted behaviours, no matter how large or small. After all, experience is always the best teacher.

HOW WE CREATE OUR FEELINGS, EXPERIENCES AND BEHAVIORS

• Let’s start by realizing, a person doesn’t get angry and violent ALL the time – they only get angry and violent some of the time, when they get in a certain state. The state is usually triggered by some sort of situation like an event, drugs, alcohol, stress or an emotion that the person does not accept, understand or feels powerless to change.
• These situations are usually predictable and can be controlled by the person if they have a willingness to change combined with an understanding of what triggers the angry state and the physiology, focus and language they use to STAY in that angry state. Once an understanding is achieved, they can then practice changing their state to a different one until a NEW habit is developed and it becomes second nature.
• According to Human Needs Psychology we choose to keep expressing any emotion, behaviour or pattern because it meets one or more of our 6 Human Needs. If we meet 3 or more of these NEEDS, we become ADDICTED TO IT no matter how much we might declare we want to choose something else. Once you understand what needs you or the other person is attempting to meet, you will understand how to choose more life-enhancing ways to meet those needs instead.
• Sounds too easy doesn’t it – To get a REAL VISUAL EXAMPLE of how powerfully we can create and stay in a particular state by using physiology, focus and language, WATCH THIS VIDEO taken during an Anthony Robbins seminar of a girl who was stuck in a cycle of depression and anger. The same techniques of Strategic Intervention, can be applied to gain understanding of ANY unwanted behaviour, bad habit or negative emotion including anger and rage that may or may not lead to violence.
• Once we understand and recognize what triggers the other persons problem behaviour and how the anger is meeting their needs, we can PLAN by making adjustments to our own responses and meet their needs in more life-enhancing ways instead. Believe it or not, WE can also powerfully impact the persons angry outbursts and break their negative pattern in ways that are flexible, will meet their needs and will meet your needs as well. These methods are so easy to understand that ANY person can do it themselves without needing a therapist or third party to mediate. All it takes is a genuine desire to learn and USE the techniques in ways that work for your specific situation. Most people get to discover a resourcefulness and creativity they’d forgotten they had and learn so much more about themselves in the process. It only takes one person to change a relationship or a family dynamic, even if it has been a long-standing problem for decades.

HOW TO CHANGE EMOTIONS, PERCEPTIONS AND BAD HABITS

If you watched the VIDEO you will now have a much better understanding of how powerfully we create our feelings and emotions by using our body (physiology), what we choose to think about (our focus) and what we say about ourselves, other people or our situation (language). It’s the meaning we give to what we’re focusing on that creates the emotion that then leads to the unwanted behavior.

Sometimes it serves us to re-think our beliefs which we often don’t even question, yet each of the beliefs we identify with, form the foundation of EVERY action we take. Here is a vivid example of how a belief can change the entire perception or anger and violence. Changing just this one belief, personally brought me to a position of deep understanding, forgiveness and love in a once devastating family situation, which I had never thought possible.

>> If we choose to believe that anger and violence are a way to dominate, hurt and control people then we will have one perception of the experience.

>> If we choose to believe that behind all anger and violence is a positive intent, we will have a completely different perception of the SAME experience.

You only need to ask and answer this one question. What could be the positive intent behind someones angry, outrageous or violent behaviour?

Using Strategic Intervention (human needs psychology)

BREAKING THE PATTERN OF ANGER, RAGE AND VIOLENCE

Please Note: This section of the article is the missing piece to the puzzle on “How to BREAK The Pattern Of Anger, Rage and Violence” whether from a point of being the victim OR the perpetrator. An entire E-Book on the subject with specific visualizations, ground-breaking techniques and useful practices based on Anthony Robbins method of Strategic Intervention, will be available for sale very soon. Watch this VIDEO to see how powerful and life-changing these techniques really are.

This work is a culmination of my personal research and life experiences after many years of being a victim of family anger, rage and violence and also a perpetrator at various times with my own children. My pattern of accepting the position of victim has been replaced by something so valuable, that long term family conflict has dissolved completely after many years of struggle. My position as perpetrator still needs to be “cleared” with one of my children, so I am not coming across as a complete and perfect example of re-solution, however the material has been so profoundly beneficial for me I can only see benefit for others as well, especially as it is designed to be so flexible that YOU get to choose exactly what you want and what you believe will work for you, based on your understanding of your own self – after all, how can I decide what will work for you if I haven’t “walked in your shoes”! What I can do though, is share the material with you in ways that you get to actually EXPERIENCE – not just read about – and teach you how to adapt and apply the method to your own unique circumstances.

This work does NOT deal with the traditional methods of problem solving, anger management and analytical approaches. You can find those in other places on the internet or in bookshops. What it does do however is work very gently on a deeper heart-felt and more spiritual level, asking you questions you may have never asked before as well as assisting you to see how your thoughts, belief structures and perceptions stimulate your emotions which form the behaviors that produce the results you are currently witnessing in your life. Once we understand how easily we do that on a moment by moment basis, we can change anything.

If you are interested in purchasing the e-book with the missing chapters included, please contact us we will respond to you as soon as possible.

Here are some practical strategies for processing your own thoughts, focus and language in positive ways AFTER an encounter with an angry person.

“Identify your problems,
but give your power and energy to solutions.”
Tony Robbins

1 … How did you handle the situation WELL? Sometimes we assume we haven’t handled a particular situation well. Sometimes our assumptions are NOT the truth. How did you handle this situation REALLY WELL in ways that you are overlooking or under-estimating? You might like to physically STAND UP and turn around so you can get a different perspective. This is a technique we can use to activate our PHYSICAL BODIES at the same time we are CHANGING OUR MIND. Use it whenever you need to make a change.

2 … How could you have handled the situation better? Of course, if there is a threat of violence, removing yourself from the situation and getting professional help is the BEST THING YOU CAN DO. But, is there something you would do next time if you were confronted with the same type of situation?

3 … Think of three qualities or traits you admire and appreciate in the other person. Many times we FOCUS on only the persons “bad points” and ignore the “good” when a more empowering way is to focus on the things we like about the person and “let the rest go”. My guess is that you probably do that when you think about yourself as well. Do YOU focus more on the parts of yourself you don’t like rather than acknowledge and cultivate the stuff you do like? If you can do that for someone else, you can do that for yourself too. What are some of the other nice qualities the person possesses that you could add to your story to give it more balance? What are some of the nice qualities that you possess too?

4 … Think of three qualities or traits you DON’T LIKE in the other person. Then make a decision that you will NOT be like them. Just because someone treats you badly doesn’t mean you have to treat them, yourself or other people badly too. Lead by example and behave in ways that you admire. Treat other people as you would like them to treat you.

5 … What makes you FEEL HAPPY OR SATISFIED about this situation? Sometimes we focus on what makes us unhappy OR upset and only see one half of the equation. It is a way we lie to ourselves in order to BE RIGHT or be REACTIVE instead of being PROACTIVE. Now, answer the question with feelings from your heart NOT from your reactive mind!

6 … List the qualities, learning’s and benefits you could gain from REALLY solving this problem effectively if it were to happen again. This serves to move you away from meeting your need for variety and excitement in less than healthy ways. You might like to READ OVERCOMING DRAMA IN OUR LIVES to get a better understanding of how easy it is to get involved in drama situations and how to get out of them. Perhaps you could even walk forward a few paces (into the future) before you answer the question, then feel how it feels to have truly re-solved this problem for yourself – knowing what to do next comes easily from this place of REMEMBERING who we truly are at the core of our being. YOU truly are magnificent!

Feel free to leave your questions or comments in the box below. We always enjoy hearing what you have to say!

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Have you ever got caught up in a family, legal, community or workplace drama? You know, the ones where there is some form of VICTIM, a PERPETRATOR and a RESCUER.

“Every drama that occurs in life will continue to be played out as long as someone is willing to be victimized.” – I’m unsure who quoined the original quote but it wasn’t me.

According to Stephen B. Karpman, M.D. (who wrote Transactional Analysis articles on the topic), drama begins when these roles are established, or anticipated. There is no drama unless there is a switch in roles. This is commonly known as being involved in The Drama Triangle, The Victim Triangle or The Loser’s Triangle.

Typically seen in the legal system and the media, these three roles work to form a cycle of blame, criticism, defending, rescuing and guilt which allows all three “players” to avoid taking responsibility for their own thoughts, emotions, words, beliefs or behaviour. But these roles are also very prevalent in our day to day interactions at home, at school, in our community and at work, so don’t be foolish enough to think that this form of drama only occurs in court or on television.

ALL drama portrayed in movies, magazines, local gossip, workplace bullying, schoolyard fights and family arguments (to name a few), thrives on the existence of this triangle to perpetuate our need to create variety and escape from our boring lives. If watching television, reading newspapers and talking about bad news has become a HABIT, you may be avoiding living a life of honesty, being willing to deal with your own emotions and taking responsibility for your actions. Some people might want to even encourage you to “get a life”!

“For every victim, there is a rescuer keeping him stuck!” – I’m unsure who quoined the original quote but it wasn’t me either.

There is something you can do!

We can gain a better understanding of WHY we get attracted to these type of situations. If we combine The Drama Triangle model with the Human Needs Psychology model, we get to see that being involved in a drama probably meets most, if not all of the first four needs of the personality. They are:

HOW TO GET OUT OF THE DRAMA TRIANGLE

1 … Decide whether you are REALLY ready to step out of the drama triangle. If so, this means evaluating exactly how much the actual drama is effecting your life and meeting your needs by answering each of the questions above and scoring them from 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest.

Some people might not be willing to look at these issues and do anything about them. If you know someone like this, keep out of their way. You may gently make suggestions to assist them but our real power is in changing ourselves and teaching by example. I think it was Dr Wayne Dyer who said, “never under-estimate your power to change yourself, never OVER-ESTIMATE your power to change others.”

2 … If you are meeting TWO or more of your needs (as listed above) at an 8 or higher, you are hooked in the triangle. If you are meeting THREE or more of your needs (as listed above) at an 8 or higher, you are addicted. Acceptance of yourself for meeting your needs in an unhealthy way is a key point here. Feeling bad, feeing overwhelmed or feeling guilty about doing it will simply immobilize you. Most, if not all people have played in the drama triangle at some stage of their life. Understanding how you’ve contributed to the situation and taking responsibility for your beliefs, thoughts, words and behaviours are the first steps to changing and stepping OUT of the triangle into a more empowering role.

3 … Be willing to accept how you are keeping the energy of the drama activated and communicate to the other players that you are taking responsibility for your part in the drama. Start playing in the Winners Triangle as illustrated below. (Source: Depression Support Network)

FOR VICTIMS – People who live as victims blame their circumstances, their feelings and whatever drama they have become involved in on someone or something else. They often declare, “It’s not my fault”, “I couldn’t help it”, “I didn’t have a choice” or “I had to do it/say it!”

Playing the victim is a merely a ROLE you are playing in the drama called “your life” – it is not a reality, though it may seem like it at times. It is perpetuated by a belief that you are powerless or that someone else can cause you to feel, think or act a certain way. Admit you are in a vulnerable position and take action to find strategies and solutions to remove yourself from the situation or resolve it. Ask for help, but NOT by blaming someone or something else for your problem. DON’T blame the government, the weather, your parents, your spouse, your boss, your weight, your dis-ease, your disability, your age, your lack of money, lack of knowledge or lack of resources etc. If you haven’t been able to see how your thoughts and beliefs have contributed to your victim status, you need a therapist right now – not a lawyer!

FOR PERPETRATORS – Take complete responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions. DON’T use reason, logic, excuses, blame or justifications. For example, if one of the players accuses you of something such as being a bully, over-dramatic, annoying, angry or whatever, OWN that part of yourself and agree with them. If done genuinely (and even with pride) you will notice it will diffuse the energy thrown towards you almost immediately. If you OWN whatever they are saying about you, they have no energy to fight against.

Just recently, during a family drama, I was told that I am bossy, overpowering, blunt and interrogating among other things. I replied saying that “I own each of those traits with pride. I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not”. And lets face it honestly, there are always elements of the things people accuse us of, in us to some degree. STOP denying they exist and let the energy flow past you. Doing that lets you play a more assertive and powerful role in the Winners Triangle instead.

A GENUINE apology (one from the heart, NOT from the head) for getting involved in the drama to this level is often useful too. If your apology is received well, your intention was pure. If not, check your motive. Whether you like it or not, how your communication was received by the other person IS the real measure of a pure intention. Forgive yourself and try again – otherwise you are operating from a victim perspective. Saying something like, “I didn’t intend to make you feel ….. ” is a justification and may even escalate the issue again. IT IS MORE IMPORTANT HOW A MESSAGE IS RECEIVED THAN HOW IT WAS SENT.

FOR RESCUERS – Stop believing that others can be victims. Empower them to see how they have created their reality with their beliefs and thoughts. Even in the worst conditions, if people are encouraged to set small goals each day and find their own solutions they discover a resourcefulness that makes them come alive. Encourage them to notice the good things that are happening in their life instead of focusing on problems. Ask them to remember three nice things about the other people involved in the drama before they share one horrid thing. Encourage them to find their own solutions too – it helps them to realize how capable they really are instead of blaming someone or something else for their dis-ease, problems, bad habits, fears and difficulties.

4 … When a situation arises that makes you feel like a victim, makes you want to help or rescue someone or makes you want to “teach someone a lesson”, STOP and ask yourself –

“Which of the 4 human needs (as described above) am I trying to meet by BELIEVING or DECIDING I am a victim, that someone needs rescuing or that someone needs to be taught a lesson or stopped from doing something?”

5 … Be willing to change your beliefs and/or decisions and move towards the Winners Triangle instead. The Winners Triangle model operates magnificently if you base your new beliefs, thoughts, words and actions on the last two facets of the Human Needs Psychology model. These are said to be the needs of the spirit and are -

Please help me by adding a few other names to the list of successful, powerful and influential people who make an enormous contribution to the world by adding them in the comment box below … any other comments or questions are also greatly appreciated.

FURTHER READING:
http://depressionsupportnetwork.org.nz/2008/03/27/the-drama-triangle-and-the-winners-triangle/
http://www.lynneforrest.com/html/the_faces_of_victim.html
http://www.mental-health-today.com/articles/drama.htm
http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2009/10/drama-triangle.html
http://www.coachingsupervisionacademy.com/our_approach/karpman_drama_triangle.phtml
SCRIPTS PEOPLE LIVE BY by Claude Steiner

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THE MOST POWERFUL PROCESS I HAVE EVER USED was NOT through some expensive program, with the aid of a state-of-the-art machine, something that holds a copyright or even in need of instructions, and yet it has been the catalyst for enhancing my entire outlook on life and attracting more magnificent circumstances than I could possibly imagine.

Each day I would write as many answers as I could to these three simple questions …

WHAT DO I REALLY APPRECIATE … ?

WHAT AM I HAPPY ABOUT … ?

WHAT HAVE I DONE WELL TODAY … ?

“We can’t get the right answers until we start asking the right questions.”

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It doesn’t matter that I sometimes get hurt; I NOW intend to accept it as part of growth.
It doesn’t matter that I want more than I’ve got; I NOW intend to appreciate what I already have.
It doesn’t matter if I don’t like what I see; I NOW intend to look deeper (or look elsewhere) until I see what I like.
It doesn’t matter when I make a mistake: I NOW intend to forgive myself quickly.
It doesn’t matter that I’ve experienced failure; I NOW intend to focus on my successes.
It doesn’t matter that I sometimes think negative thoughts; I NOW intend to change them as fast as I can.
It doesn’t matter that I find it hard to dream; I NOW intend to keep on imagining.
It doesn’t matter that I occasionally feel bad; I NOW intend to keep my heart open to the good things life brings.
It doesn’t matter that I sometimes lose faith; I NOW intend to trust in the process.
It doesn’t matter if I feel like giving up; I NOW intend to keep giving more.
It doesn’t matter if I wonder where life is taking me; I NOW intend to go with the flow of the stream.
It doesn’t matter that I can’t change things for those I care about the most: I NOW intend to believe they have the capability to change things for themselves.
It doesn’t matter that I sometimes feel lost; I NOW intend to believe that my higher self always knows where I am and continually shines the brightest light to guide me safely home. ~ Elizabeth Richardson (ER)

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PLEASE NOTE: This Empowering Process has been designed specifically for an organization where a CONFLICT has occurred that still remains unresolved. It can easily be adapted to suit individuals, relationships, business associate disagreements or family situations. It DOES NOT use the traditional approaches of re-hashing the actual issue. Instead it works on understanding the thoughts, beliefs and behavior that created the problem in the first place. Just reading through the document and answering the EMPOWERING QUESTIONS produces quality responses that has the potential to shift the perspective of one or more of the people involved in the dispute to a point of better understanding and feeling good about their choices, decisions and actions … PAVING THE WAY FOR RESOLUTION TO OCCUR NATURALLY!

The FULL PROFESSIONAL CONFLICT RESOLUTION PROCESS (designed specially for your particular situation is available by requesting an online consultation) and works further on understanding the basics of “Why We Do What We Do” and empowers YOU recognize the belief structures and meanings you (and other people) may have given to circumstances that occur in life, providing the tools to CHANGE ANYTHING you choose to change and respond in healthier and more life-enhancing ways. As with anything in life, the benefit is gained through the experience of the process, so feel free to download the current Empowering Conflict Resolution Process and try it for yourself.

Download The Conflict Resolution Process PDF

“We can learn more in 5 minutes about someone when dealing with problems, than we can in 5 months when things are great.” – Dan Kuschell

“We can view problems as something to hate or we can choose to view problems as CHALLENGES and OPPORTUNITIES to FIND A SOLUTION.”

What is the facilitators’ vision for the future? This resolution of this matter raises the level of consciousness right throughout the organization. ALL members of the organization find a resourcefulness they didn’t know existed and these NEW and beneficial ways of problem solving, filter throughout their families, relationships, business associations’ and into the wider community.

What is the facilitators’ mission? To encourage the individuals to find resolution – not compromise. Resolution is a win/win solution. No matter how you look at it, compromise is generally a lose/lose situation. Raise your expectations of what YOU are capable of. Know that resolution is possible. It only takes ONE person to stop fighting and see things in a different light or from a different viewpoint.

The 6 questions on the bottom of the page are designed specifically for that purpose.

What values does the facilitator intend to live by? Heartfelt understanding, honesty, openness, integrity, faith, compassion, determination, courage, willingness to grow and learn, desire to contribute to a better organization/community structure etc

Do you have any other important values to add to the list?

What are the facilitators’ goals? For the individuals to move to a position of understanding and feeling good about their choices, decisions and actions. Feeling bad, feeling overwhelmed or feeling guilty are immobilizing emotions and are never the goal. Feeling ashamed or vulnerable are useful emotions and often signifies the point of a shift in perception or belief. Feeling relief often follows. The purpose is to grow from this experience. If we don’t grow, we die. The same applies to any organization or business.

What are YOUR goals? How are you feeling about the situation right now? How much has this problem impacted your relationships at home and with other people and the generally feeling of satisfaction you have about your life? You might like to score this on a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being the highest impact). How would you like to feel at the end of the resolution process? How would you like the other person to feel?

Rules of the Game

>> Be willing to support our vision, mission, values and goals.

>> Speak supportively. Always assume the other person has good intentions. Hold the person “innocent” until proven “guilty”.

>> Listen Actively (Look at the person and be patient as they are speaking. Repeat the important parts of the conversation back to them so they know you have heard them and can also hear what they themselves have said, in case clarification is needed).

>> Acknowledge whatever is being communicated as true for the speaker at that moment.

>> Complete your agreements:
a) Make only agreements that you are willing and intend to keep.
b) Communicate any potential broken agreement at the first appropriate time.
c) Clear up any broken agreement at the first appropriate opportunity.

>> Do not speak about a problem unless you first communicate a possible solution. If a problem arises, first look to the system for corrections and then communicate your solution to the person who can do something about it. Do not indulge in or listen to gossip.

>> Be effective and efficient (Optimize every event … do more with less).

>> Have the willingness to win and to allow others to win too (win/win). Work towards resolution, not compromise.

>> Focus on what works. Identify your problems but give your power and energy to solutions.

>> When in doubt, check your intuition.

>> Take Responsibility – do not lay blame, make excuses or justify.

>> A dispute with another person should always be taken directly to that person AFTER doing the process below. If an upset lasts longer than 50 minutes, the upset party(s) to seek support, from a neutral third party.

Here are some practical strategies for processing your own thoughts, focus and language in beneficial ways AFTER you’ve had a dispute with another person.

“Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions.” – Tony Robbins

1 … How did you handle the situation WELL? Sometimes we assume we haven’t handled a particular situation well. Sometimes our assumptions are NOT the truth. How did you handle this situation REALLY WELL in ways that you are overlooking or under-estimating? You might like to physically STAND UP and turn around so you can get a different perspective. This is a technique we can use to activate our PHYSICAL BODIES at the same time we are CHANGING OUR MIND. Use it whenever you need to make a change.

2 … How could you have handled the situation better? Of course, if there is a threat of violence, removing yourself from the situation and getting professional help is the BEST THING YOU CAN DO. But, is there something you would do next time if you were confronted with the same type of situation? How could you handle the situation better?

3 … Think of three or more qualities or traits you admire and appreciate in the other person. Many times we FOCUS on only the persons “bad points” and ignore the “good” when a more empowering way is to focus on the things we like about the person and “let the rest go”. My guess is that you probably do that when you think about yourself as well. Do YOU focus more on the parts of yourself you don’t like rather than acknowledge and cultivate the stuff you do like? If you can do that for someone else, you can do that for yourself too. What are some of the other nice qualities the person possesses that you could add to your story to give it more balance? What are some of the nice qualities that you possess too?

4 … Think of three qualities or traits you DON’T LIKE in the other person. Then make a decision that you will NOT be like them. Just because someone treats you badly doesn’t mean you have to treat them, yourself or other people badly too. Lead by example and behave in ways that you admire. Treat other people as you would like them to treat you.

5 … What makes you FEEL HAPPY OR SATISFIED about this situation? Sometimes we focus on what makes us unhappy OR upset and only see one half of the equation. It is a way we lie to ourselves in order to BE RIGHT or be REACTIVE instead of being PROACTIVE. Do your best to answer the question with feelings from your heart NOT from your reactive mind?

6 … List the qualities, learnings and benefits you could gain from REALLY solving this problem effectively if it were to happen again. This serves to move you away from meeting your need for variety, drama and excitement in less than healthy ways. You might like to READ OVERCOMING DRAMA IN OUR LIVES to get a better understanding of how easy it is to get involved in drama situations and how to get out of them. Perhaps you could even walk forward a few paces (into the future) before you answer the question, then feel how it feels to have truly re-solved this problem for yourself – knowing what to do next comes easily from this place of REMEMBERING who we truly are at the core of our being. YOU truly are magnificent!

To have an Empowering Process specially designed for your particular situation, request an online consultation and we will assist you in getting the results you truly want.

MESSAGE FROM THE FOUNDER: This Conflict Resolution Process has been developed by Elizabeth Richardson using various methods including simple goal setting practices, rules adapted from large organizations such as the “Money and You” Network and portions of the Strategic Intervention model (physiology, focus and language). It is by no means complete and is not meant to take the place of a facilitated Professional Conflict Resolution process. However, I feel this written and simple form may become profoundly useful as a guide for others. You may also request an online consultation to have a PROFESSIONAL Conflict Resolution Process designed specifically for your situation. As with anything in life, the most LONG TERM BENEFIT is gained through the experience of the process in its complete form. Your feedback is always valued and appreciated and may be left in the comment box below.

Thanks you for allowing me to serve you. I hope to do it again soon.

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… is one who lives by demonstration rather than through a declaration of mastery. She doesn’t enlist followers, instead she gives birth to leaders. Her methods need not be studied, just lived with elegance and dignity.

She does not require anything to be different than what it already is, as she graciously adapts to enliven her environment. She doesn’t ask to be remembered for greatness, yet she inspires others to reach the highest heights.

Her power needs never be exerted as she lives in peaceful acceptance of all that is. Inside her soul lies deep understanding of the perfection of contrasting life experiences which cause the very expansion of the universe.

She does not resist death, instead she welcomes it with joy … for she knows there is no death, just a reverence for the eternity of the soul … and that each human gets to choose again and again that which they cause themselves to be.

In this way she is the foundation of well-being, goodness, respect and love for all of life, for what greater example of feminine energy would there be than Mother Earth!

Copyright © Elizabeth Richardson

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How to create your own Vision Statement, Mission Statement, Powerful Goals and Core Values

Working with clients becomes a breeze when they are clear on what they want to achieve with their business/website.

Below you will find a very simple pdf that will assist you to gain clarity around your direction in life. It can be successfully applied to your relationship as well as any business and is most useful prior to starting a new venture.

Right click to save the “How to create your own Vision Statement, Mission Statement, Powerful Goals and Core Values” pdf to your computer.

Please use and share with my blessing. ~ Elizabeth Richardson

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